Old sea stories

Was following a thread on one of the boating forums. Silly questions you get from newbies etc. This was one that came to mind from my sailing days.

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Was departing Thunder Bay, ON aboard CCG Icebreaker/buoytender. Giving newbie galley steward walk around the ship. Ship sailed at 08:00 on 4 week construction project. 

Me: This is the bridge. Just hang back and watch.
Newbie: What time do I get off tonight?
Me: 18:30 hrs
Newbie: I have to work 18 and a half hours today?
Me: Yes
Newbie: Can I go home when we're done?
Me: Sure, if you can swim that far.
Newbie: Swim? You mean we're not going back to the dock?
Me: Not for 28 days
Newbie: I only brought one pair of underwear.
Me: We have laundry facilities on board
Newbie: But my Mom always did my laundry.
Me: Well your Mom isn't here is she?

Dead silence for about 3 minutes

Newbie: Where are we going?
Me: Michipicoten Island for 4 week construction project.
Newbie: So I can go home every night?
Me: Sure
Newbie: Cool, can't wait to tell my buddies. 

Dead silence for about 2 minutes

Newbie: How far do we drop down to get to Michipicoten Island? 
Me: (after a brief pause) You mean like through locks?
Newbie: Yeah
Me: About 750 feet and 65 locks.
Newbie: Cool! Can't wait to tell my buddies.

Dead silence for about a minute

Newbie: How high is the tide on Lake Superior?
Me: Tide?
Newbie: Like I see on TV you know the water coming in and going out
Me: (not knowing the real answer) oh about 75 feet. (it's actually 1 ft)
Newbie: Oh wow! That's amazing. I can't wait to tell my buddies. Can I call them now? (age before wireless Internet)
Me: Like on the phone?
Newbie: Yeah, I see them all over the bridge.
Me: See that fella over there in the big chair with the 4 stripes on his shoulder?
Newbie: Yeah
Me: Go ask him if you can call your buddies on the phone?

Newbie walks over to Captain.

Newbie: Hi!
Captain: Hello, you must be the new steward.
Newbie: Yessir!
Captain: How are you liking the ship so far?
Newbie: I don't like it too much, I have to do my own laundry.
Captain: Oh don't worry, you'll get used to it. You do my laundry too you know?
Newbie: (stunned) I have to do your laundry too?
Captain: Yes and I like a very light starch in my white shirts.
Newbie: (Stunned silence)
Newbie: Can I call my buddies to tell them how cool this is?
Captain: Like on the phone?
Newbie: Yessir, I think there's some cool stuff here they need to know about.
Captain: Do you know that ship/shore radiotelephone costs about $6.00 per minute?
Newbie: I didn't know that but that's ok this is a Government Ship they can afford it.
Captain: (shoots me a look that could kill) Yeah, sure, you can use the pay phone in the laundry room.

The kid spent three days looking for the pay phone in the laundry room but had clean under shorts for the whole trip!